Around the Corner

My husband hates surprises. I used to think that was sad. But the more surprises I get in life, the clearer his experience is for me. I love surprises...but only happy ones. Scary, tragic, heart-stopping surprises that are full of disappointment and loss are nothing I look forward to.

Last night I got a phone call from a sister that my mom had fallen and was taken to the hospital. As I made the calls to get more information and to pass that information on to five siblings, I was reminded of all the surprises that have come over the years by phone call: The call when I was eight months pregnant with Matthew that Tracy's dad was dying in the hospital as the result of a car accident; the call that my dear friend had died (too many of those calls to count them); the call that Daddy had a massive stroke; the call that Tracy's brother had cancer and then the call nine months later that he had died; the call that my sister had attempted suicide; the call that my best friend's baby was stillborn...

Then there are the myriad of surprises that I experienced up close and in person: the attempted murder of an apartment neighbor in the middle of the night; the doctor telling us that Tracy had cancer; the suicidal young woman who came to our home for help...

I would just have to agree that I don't like surprises either, except...I remember clearly the feeling of going around the corner of a huge monolith in the rise to Mt. Whitney, after hiking for hours and hours up steep and rocky terrain and suddenly, unexpectedly there appeared a vista so intense and beautiful that it took my breath away; and then there was our sealing ceremony where I was so overwhelmed by the blessings we were being promised that my mascara ran down my face (not the look a young bride is usually going for); there was the birth of my baby when I couldn't believe that she was really mine--after so many months of pregnancy you would have thought I would be ready for that!

I guess surprises are just part of life--sometimes wonderful beyond description and sometimes achingly tragic. And there isn't really anything to prepare us for them or they wouldn't be surprises after all.

This discovery makes me all the more dedicated to creating the best moments that I can when I have the choice of what things will be: knowing that if I greet my children with a homemade snack at the end of a school day that they will smile; predicting if I clean the garage that Tracy will be so grateful; spending time thinking about how much I love to live with these people who bring so much laughter and excitement into my daily life.

When all is said and done, the corners we turn, happy or sad, are so much fewer than the long stretches of every-day straight away. So if I make the best I can of the long, predictable stretches then the curves won't have me stomping so furiously on the break pedal, which my daddy always told me makes a smoother ride! I don't think you will ever see me accelerating around a curve in the road but even if I slow down a little, I won't stop. There are too many sweet surprises ahead of me... and that keeps me on my way.